With the onset of AIDS in the early 80's, the gay dating landscape has undergone a 360 degree turn. Whereas bars were the hub of gay life from the early years of Gay Liberation to the 80's, we now seek other venues for meeting potential partners. Before, during the golden years of Gay Liberation, being gay meant bar-hopping, cruising and immediate sex. The central theme of homosexuality was immediate, carpe diem sex. However, deeper and more profound ways of relating emerged alongside the AIDS virus scare. Gradually, gay men sought dating, courtship and more intimate, long-term relationships.

Though gay relationships, by their nature, had more sexual undertones, they are no less in need of commitment, security and fidelity than those in heterosexual relationships. The process of getting to know a gay partner is also no slower or faster; it takes the same investment in time and effort. Once you have made that steadfast resolution to take the gay dating exercise seriously, take note of the following tips of making this activity more fun, fulfilling and goal-oriented.

Be selective. The idea behind dating is exploring the possibility that you and this person may be romantically involved in the future. As much as you would want to date as many gay men as possible, limit your encounters to three to five per month. Being selective permits you to exercise patience, perseverance and control in the dating process. Do not be in a hurry to find Mr. Right. It takes time, effort, and several dating occasions to know the deeper side of your potential mate. Investing a little time in searching for THE one is a small price to pay right?

Do not distract - attract! Tonight's the night! You're going out on a date. Whether homosexual or not, the dating basics still apply. These include being prepared "both physically and mentally" for the event. Dress up appropriately and project an image worth respecting.

Talk, but don't talk your head off. The basic talking and listening skills likewise apply. Avoid talking about negative, tragic or miserable past experiences during the early dating stages. NOBODY wants to date a whiner. And listen with true interest. If you really like your date, listening attentively tells him you are interested which in turn makes YOU a likely long-term relationship candidate for him. Also, avoid talking about your stigma on being gay. Hello? This is not news to him. The last thing you want to discuss with him, especially on a first date, is how difficult gay dating and gay relationships can be. Talk about worthwhile topics such as common interests, values and prevailing motivators. Try to sustain interest and enthusiasm in each other for the first few encounters.

Bring your wallet. Even if he was the one to invite you out, be prepared. If you guys are trying out a new restaurant, it's always better to have extra cash for any 'surprises'. Also, you don't know how the night will turn out. You can end up leaving him or him leaving you, so ensure that you can always get back home with or without him.

Bring a gift. If you're having a dinner date at his place, bring a bottle of wine, a book he casually mentioned that he liked and has been looking for, food to compliment what you'll be eating or anything that would make him feel that the dinner date is appreciated. But don't be extravagant! If this is a first date, you don't really know him yet and he might get offended. Bring a simple and 'non-commital' gift as well. I mean silk ties might make him want jump out the window. The thing to keep in mind here is a little thoughtful something!

To ask or not to ask. Ok, you REALLY like him, but does he feel the same way about you? Of course you can ask him out or casually ask about his plans for next weekend but don't push. But if you're sure he likes you back and want to lead this time, by all means, ask him out!

Delay gratification that is, sexual gratification. The question really here - do you like this guy FOR NOW or FOREVER. If you're looking for your lifetime partner, chances are, it would be better to delay having sex. The rule of thumb is no sex for the first three dates. Ouch! But do consider this

Bring a condom. Ok, I'm NOT contradicting myself; it IS always best to wait. But when the waiting is done and you guys are now sure you want to take the relationship to a higher level, do practice safe sex after your hot date!

Figure out who you are and what you really want

Make a list of your top ten qualities. Jack Desling, a gay dating coach, says that several people feel challenged when asked to list ten things. It is easier to think of what you can offer physically ( great smile, great body), emotionally ( great listening skills, stability, a shoulder to lean on), intellectually ( stimulating conversation, good understanding of music, excellent wit, sharp mind), financially( stable financial life, ability to balance accounts), and socially ( great dancing skills, ability to negotiate with people).

Once you have a listed all your great qualities, also list what you would look for in a guy. It is important to not come up with a ambiguous list stating "Sexy, great body, humorous guy". Try to think of more specific things like "someone who smiles a lot, is warm, is interested in sports ( or any other interest you may have)". Also list things that are a definite no, like someone who smokes (if you are allergic to cigarette smoke).

Take Action

It is important to convert your thoughts into action. You want to find the guy of your dreams, but he won't turn up at your door step and say, "Hi Hunk!" If you really want to hook up take things in your own hands.
* Join a personals service. They are a good way of taking in the local scene and finding interesting people.
* Join up at least one Gay club/ organization : Participation in common activities can lead to friendship and much more.
* Post your profile online : Online dating can open several doors
* Hang out at local haunts populated by other gay singles

Attitude Counts

You will encounter both fear and failure. You will feel intimidated when going for a date. If the fear overwhelms you, keep smiling. Retain a positive attitude and remind yourself that finding a mate is no easy job. There will be times when you will hit a low ebb. You will also end up going on dates or meeting up with people you don't like or click with. But persist with your quest and keep your chin up when you meet with small obstacles.

Increase you chances of a second date

There are simple things that you can do to increase the chances of converting the first date into a second one :
* Start the conversation. Taking the initiative will work in your favor.
* Don't have high expectations : Thinking that the very first date will unveil the perfect person who will turn you on physically and emotionally, is unrealistic. Keep your expectations in check and you won't be disappointed.
* Look you best. Don't dress too casually.
* Keep it light. It is important to keep conversation light and interesting. Do not talk about past relationships, politics, religion or sex. Keep free of controversy.
* Keep it short. Anything more than a couple of hours will reveal too much in too little time or indicate desperation.
* Smile, it really does improve your face value
* No sex please. It may be great but won't get you a second date.
Jump into the action, use your charms, persist in your quest and you will find the guy of your dreams. Happy hunting!